So, you finally decided to get yourself a sex swing/sling? Isn’t it awesome? Yeah, we know. But, now a new question appeared – how will you hide it? We got you, and your kinky fun toys, covered. 

At long last, that bad boy is finally here. You took a sex swing or a sex sling, and you’re having loads and loads of fun in it. But, the first time your doorbell rang, you started panicking. What will your guests think? How will you hide the fact that you’re having more fun in the bedroom than they could possibly imagine?

This isn’t something you considered before purchasing a huge dual hook swing, is it? Yeah, we know. Nobody ever thinks about hiding the evidence before the deed is done.

Now that you installed your newest kinky toy, it’s time to think about hiding it. 

Unless you want everyone to know what you’re doing late at night while they’re locked in their little vanilla bedrooms? 

Yeah, thought so. 

You see, with sex swings and sex slings, it’s not so hard to hide the thing itself, as it is to hide the hooks you drilled into the ceiling or the walls of your place. Now just imagine your in-laws coming to visit and asking in that oh-so-annoying tone “Kevin, what is this big eye hook doing on your ceiling?”. If that isn’t bad enough, imagine hosting a party, and curious guests walking into your bedroom to see two huge eye hooks on the ceiling. They are even worse than your in-laws, they won’t say a word, but they will know, and they will judge. 

We know that you’re not ashamed of your choices, but it’s best to avoid judgment when you can.

There are several ways to keep your secret pleasures perfectly secret, and we’ve compiled 5 best here.

1. Art

If you have a dual hook swing that you suspend from hooks that you drilled into your hallway walls, any piece of art will do the job. Hang a picture on one hook, and a tribal mask on the other one and none will be the wiser. They will probably even admire those pieces of art that hang on your sex swing hooks. When you want to play, just take the art off, hang the swing, and have your fun.

2. Plants

If you decided to hang your sex swing off of the living room ceiling, you need either to get a punching bag or do this to hide that hook’s true nefarious purpose. Get a metal chain, a hook, and hang a planter on it. Do the same with the other hook if you got two. Heck, you don’t even have to take real plants, take fakes. It’ll look nice, and you can just chuck them aside when you decide to get your kink on.

3. Clocks

If you’re using one door and one hook mounting method, you’ll still want to hide that hook on the wall. A perfect way is a clock. Get one you like, hang it on that hook, and that’s it. You hid your little secret and got yourself a way to tell how much longer you’ll have to wait to use what’s behind that clock. Handy, right?

4. Creative lighting

Hang an interesting lamp, or some fairy lights on those hooks. You can even drill several additional holes, and put hooks there in a random pattern. This way, you can get an interesting decoration, and a way to hide your hooks.

5. Smoke detectors

This one is actually the easiest way to hide your eye hooks, so logically; it will take most of your time. No, seriously, this way you can place hooks anywhere you want, and just cover them with smoke detectors. You also won’t have to think about avoiding hanging plants, art, lighting or anything else. 

Buy a smoke detector. Don’t bother with the features or quality. Get the cheapest, the worst model you can possibly find. It’s not supposed to actually detect fire unless you count the flames from your sexual encounters. All it needs to be is deep enough to take in that entire hook. 

Now that you bought it, smash it. Yeah, you can finally get your revenge for incessant chirping. Pull out all the electronics; drill a hole in the middle with the same drill bit you used to place the hook into your ceiling. 

Attach the smoke detector to the ceiling – just align the holes and screw it up there. The eye hook will be more than enough to hold the smoke detector where it should be. If it isn’t, just use the screws that came with it. 

So now, when you want to use the swing, you need to take the detector’s lid off, and put it back on when you want to hide the hooks.

But, how to hide the actual swing?

We explained how to hide the residual evidence, but how will you hide the actual swing?

Easily.

Throw it in the closet. If you have a door swing or a sling, a single or a dual hook hanging model, you can put it in the linen box, or under the bed, those things are super-easy to pack and hide. 

Now you can rock your partner’s world without worrying!